Also i starting thinking about food being my addiction and how when a person looks at me the first thing they see is a fat girl which obviously shows my addiction immediately.... a lot of drug addicts you cant even tell by first sight they are an addict of some kind... and being fat you need to face the humiliation every second of the day because people are judging you almost all the time about your weight!! Which is quite embarrassing!! and that became a new motivation for me to loose this weight!! Also, another motivation for me is this girl that i know startied loosing weight back in 2009 and we had about the same weight to loose and now she is skinny and down 170lbs- she looks like a completely different person!!! that could have been me if i just stuck with it!! ohhh the many reasons of loosing this weight definitely out "weighs" wanting to eat something "bad" or trailing offf.... i am going to do this and the world better watch out because i am going to be one hot mama lol!!!
Another thing i am trying to do this time, that may be different, is that i am trying to look at this journet as one week at a time and try to set longer term goal ( that aren't too far away) as i go along!! This week my goal is to make it to 10lbs lost and i am going to try kickboxing tomorrow night... omggggg idt i can do it but ill try! And i am still on the "short term goal" of reaching 250 by my cousins wedding!
tonight i went to zumba again alone tonight and i saw my old weight watchers leader there... she just said hi from far away... and was all excited to see me... but at the same time i had that huge guilt of ... yeah i know i gained all my weight back... but at least im loosing it now !! Another thing is i thing that a BIG group of my friends might be coming to zumba with me now which i def wouldnt have done at my rock bottom 3 weeks ago... and thing is i invited them!! there can possibly be 7 or 8 of us!!! who knows who else will joins us by thursday! but i wouldnt mind anymore ;)
I've learned my lesson the hard way and i am just sooooo done with this fat!!! its getting blasted away!!!